i look at my surroundings, they’re the same shade of grey. the situation and state of mind i currently stand in is complicated.
i’ve been in it for as long as i can remember, i haven’t experienced highs or lows ever since i unknowingly landed myself here which when viewed from someone else’s perspective, is a very good thing. but for me it’s a nightmare. i wish i had highs and/or lows because then i’d know where i was and which way to turn.
my mind feels like a world where everything is calm but in a scary kind of way. the wind never stops and rustles the leaves on trees but doesn’t bend the barks. there are tiny cracks in roads, millions of them, but no potholes.
in betweens like these always send shivers down my spine because i know there are faults but when viewed from outside, everything looks just right and hence help never comes from someone else.
i sometimes go to sleep hoping i never wake up but i don’t think i would ever do anything to make it happen. that’s the in between i sometimes get stuck in. chilling right?
medium is the norm, but it scares me. i know that i am not the only one person who is sad but i am also terrified. my routine, the ‘everybody goes through that’ in between doesn’t just make me sad, it petrifies me.